My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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