I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
