Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
