Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
