Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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