whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
