My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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