They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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