it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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