She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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