your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
