Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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