Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
And then he peed in my hair
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