How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
