If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
