The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
