guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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