she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We left an ass print on the piano.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
