Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
