I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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