i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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