I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
