as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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