isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize