everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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