Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
