A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
