he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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