checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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