Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
