How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
