Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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