4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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