I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
