Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize