I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
