My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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