In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
