This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
