Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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