Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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