She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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