Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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