my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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