WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
