his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
my liver is dry heaving
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
