TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
