I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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