So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
