these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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