The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
