Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I would ride that face into the sunset
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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