I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
