some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
