Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
