I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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