Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you win again, gameday.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
