I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
