So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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