did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
