..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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