they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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