Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
